OP/ED Knowing Which Bridges To Cross And Which To Burn

I have made some decisions which may come back to bite me, but I had to make them to continue doing what I do here.

My focus has been off lately and my passion, the thing that I love, is Snohomish County and most of the people in it. I don’t suspect I am going to change the world, but maybe I can make it a little better.

My time here on this earth is limited and I am not going to waste anymore time on causes that are not my own or our community’s problems.

This brings to the table an interesting topic though about friendship and alliances. Marriages, business relationships and friendships are very rarely 50/50, that is to e expected. Business is usually a “at will” type of relationship and generally it benefits both parties but intimate relationships and friendships are those you chose to be in.

Too many people stay in both under the misguided belief that their love and encouragement can solve any problem. That is rarely ever the case but there are millions out there trying right now.

A lot people come from an abusive home and in adulthood try to garner relationships that will help them work out their own issues. This is rarely ever helpful and without counseling usually results in disaster for the person.

About 18 months ago, a person I thought was a friend encouraged me to apply for Social Security Disability which I did, the one condition was that I had to participate in counseling which I figured I needed anyway so I have fully whole heartedly participated. I go to groups, I go to one on one counseling and I have been given many tools that help me beyond what I ever imagined could or would be possible for me in my lifetime.

That also put me in an extreme financial situation as you only receive 197.00 per month to survive on, so I have done side work, and received a few donations for the paper here, but you have to report that as actual income so most months I have been left with nothing. Which left me dependent on any work I could get.

I finally cut that cord after being offered a gift all the while the person was making it impossible for me to get that gift. It is hard to be in a position where you have to depend on anyone and when they dangle something in front of you and make you beg for it, it might be time to reevaluate exactly what your worth is to that person and to yourself. I decided I was worth more thanks to the counseling. When someone offers you something and then makes it impossible to get, that is blackmail and manipulation.

Betrayal never comes from your enemies, it is always from the people you trust, but sometimes it is your fault when it happens. When you believe the lies, and when you allow yourself to do things for a person who does not value, trust or respect you. True friendship does all 3 of these things and more.

Now I am an old bat, my google stats tell me most of my readers are male and female in their late 20’s and 30’s (no I don’t know how they know that) so I’m trying to impart some granny wisdom on you here.

If you are in a relationship or have a friendship that is not beneficial to you right now, I can promise you the best thing you can do is to remove yourself and move on. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or that you are, it means that you are not good for each other and I promise you life is far too short to waste even one single second on something that doesn’t benefit you personally, emotionally and spiritually.

People will treat you the way that you allow them to, and the day you stand up for yourself expect them to get angry, spout and sputter. That’s okay, you just have to decide just how important that friendship or relationship is to you as to the amount of sputtering that you’re going to tolerate.

If you have decided you are done entirely don’t be petty, just state your case, and move on. Let the universe sort it out and find peace in your own mind.

Expect them to also try to rally people against you, or state their claim to other people who are in no way involved. They are hurt and shocked that you have finally said enough so that is to be expected.

If they valued you at all they would’ve changed their behavior when it was brought to their attention or would’ve never treated you the way they did in the first place.

True friends that know you and care about you either won’t get involved or won’t be swayed. Everything sorts itself out in the wash and at the end of the day if those other people turn on you, they were never your friends anyway and you’re better off without them too. So consider that a bonus in removing toxic people from your life.

Life is too short to be miserable or to surround yourself with people who compromise your own standards and that don’t have the same values as you do. Whether you’re rich, or poor, short or tall, old or young, there is more value in being at peace with yourself then being in turmoil all the time.

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting something better for yourself.

 

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Copyright 2017 Snohomish County Reporter
  • Miller

    Well said and THANK YOU for sharing. . .life is too short to remain in unhealthy relationships of any kind. You Brandia are a treasure and we are all so fortunate to have you reporting as you do. Hugs to you my friend, you have touched more lives in a positive way than you will ever know. . .

    • Brandia

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.